no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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