You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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