HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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