i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
