It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
