As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
