The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
