they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
