So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dick very happy bro
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
