So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize