How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
