i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
