i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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