i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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