dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
