I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
