hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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