Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
