she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
