i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize