i will never coherently bang her
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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