I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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