that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
