i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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