You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
