I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
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His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
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Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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