I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
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So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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