OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to sanitize my soul.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
