Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
