so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
