chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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