Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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