I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
