I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
