my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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