And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
