I'm lost and stupid without you.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
