Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are the jesus of drinking
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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