Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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