If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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