Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
