ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
