Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
