somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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