Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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