Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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