This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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