Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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