i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
