i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
