If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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