If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
