The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
