the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
