you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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