maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
