I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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