you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
