You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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