i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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